You know, I am at breaking point with these f--- kitchen phone calls. The double-glazing f's have gone into folklore, but the recent kitchen company ones are nauseating squirts, or in Norfolk, squits, (which is another matter!)
They seem to offer a splash-out, flash-stinking-rich kitchen 'all for you my dear' on condition that the house becomes a 'hidden detail' showroom, a prime commercial space, how a typical kitchen can look in a REAL home, for the public to view at anytime...like hell it does.
'Why, why, why sir, you not like new fitted kitchen of modern taste that delights the heart?'
=because I have a brain, albeit small, but it works!
'But sir, you not say yes, you will not know the cuisinary works of art that you can create and can befit you and your lifestyle.'
=Hey, you know me, you know what I cook, (can I cook???), and you know I invite people here???
'But you sound like you do.'
=Oh yeah...my deepening tones, and cracking knuckles indicate as such do they?
'Well, it is all for you, really, all for you, we only seek comfort and enjoyment for people like you. It is our belief that every family should have this right.'
=To never get to ones own kitchen, because of the Tokyo-tube-train-like crowding??
'Oh, but sir, but sir, you miss the point...'
=No, no, noooooooooooo more....
etcetcetc.
The original kitchenshitnonconformist
In two weeks time our suburb will have a council meeting to discuss...lime tree deposits.
It is actually a very serious issue. These beautiful trees are depositing enough 'syrup' onto our cars, houses, and grass, to corrode all in it's wake...my grass is burnt and dead, my Japanese willow is growing only on one side, my car wipers, neighbours also, refuse to wipe unless they are bathed first, (I know that feeling!), and the worst, is this blackening of everything, (indeed, the repair of the car's bodywork is now a costly business)...the gates are sticky black instead of reddish brown, the Norwich red brick walls have blackened, the windows have a black hue every morning, and my window cleaner said, it looks like this whole area has been torched outside the houses.
When a councillor drove in my neighbours car, he said, 'By crickey, how the blazes d'ya drive with winda's like dat?'
Neighbour was quick to try the wipers which heaved and puffed with no movement forthcoming. 'Because they are bloody stuck with lime syrup, that's why!'
Councillor then went red and arranged this upcoming meeting!!
Now, I must say, I love trees, and make a point of planting at least 50 every year, which I have managed since I was 12. And NOBODY wants them cut down...this is very important...we only want a neighbourhood syrup-free zone and trimmed branches. Simply, nothing more.
I guess it'll also be a scurvy-free zone too...???
Music: Soundgarden: Superunknown, (esp. Head Down, track 6)
Gorillaz: Demon Days
ABBA: Mama Mia...because of the TV in the background
