My family, in northern France, are all-at-sea healthwise, my grandmother in the nursing home, (la maison de retraite), seems to have endured a dreadful evening in which she got severely burnt all over her arm, and nobody knows how or why, least of all, my grandmother, who is totally lost since my late grandfather left us last spring. The lady who could drive us all for miles, across Picardie, could serve up something extravagant out of nothing, a tireless focus of family matters, religious, superstitious, honest, and desperately sensitive, giving images of shy birds caught on an unfamiliar feeding ground, she would shy away from spotlight, and yet gave her all to the family, without the slightest hesitation. She is now, alas, remote from us, though still with us, the brutality of age has shown itself in her, at rapid speed, from an energetic pensioner last spring, to a lost, crumpled soul today.
My aunt, also French, has just got over breast cancer, but as anyone can tell us, will never feel free again, and it feels like the disintegration of my French ties, although such a thing will never be true in my heart. It is indeed a curious feeling, to have parents of different nationalities, who in turn, also had parents of different nationalities, thus making the family very scattered. At times, this has been a wonderful adventure, as if my family are continually bunjee jumping, but at times like this, coming together is truly in the heart, as travelling vast distances is not something that can be done like running out of the back door across the street to see how 'memere' is doing.
But, humans are battlers, tolerant beings, why else are we here, and I'm tonight remembering my French background, often a voluminous memory, reserved for those spare times of reflection, without the daily rigmarole of life which is the norm.
I went through school, feeling English, but always having a French mother which nobody (at school), would ever let me forget. (I was happy with it, of course, but as a primary school child, such things, over time, cause feelings which never really leave you.)
It's becoming far less unusual now, of course, but when I attended junior school, (a rather severe regime ruled that place!), I was the only person of any foreign extraction, and I hardly call France, or slight Italian blood very different, even though my father is a classic true Englishman - my early rôle model.
It's always nice to remember who we are, and tonight, I'm happy to do just that, despite my shortcomings, this is me, and it's not going to change, the only thing that will, is my every day learning of life.
Pour Pepere. C'est pour toi.
=== En tout pays, il y a une lieue de mauvais chemins ===













