The Pope had just finished a tour of Great Britain and was taking a limousine to the airport.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much choice, so he climbed in the back of the limo and the Pope took to the wheel.
The Pope then headed onto the M1 and started accelerating to see what the limo could do. Well he gets to about 110 mph and, WHAM!, there are the blue lights of our friendly motorway law enforcing police officer in his mirror.
He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
Well the policeman, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please, I need to call in."
The cop radioed in and asks for the chief constable. He tells the chief "I've got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replys "Who is it, not Ken Livingstone again ?"
The cop says, "No, even more important."
The chief replies, "It's the local MP then, is it ?"
The policeman replies "No, even more important."
"It's isn't Tony Blair is it ?"
"No, more important", replies the trooper.
"Well WHO the hell is it the?", screams the chief.
"I don't know " says the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as a chauffeur."

~~~

Music: P.O.B.B.: Imperial March

The English language? What does it do for you?
Well, think of all those millions trying to learn things like this...

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

When the stars are out, they are visible,
When the lights are out, they are invisible.

How can 'You're so cool' and 'You're not so hot' be different?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn't mother become Methren?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

How come Writers write but Fingers don't fing?
And Grocers don't groce and Hammers don't ham?

A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice,
But it's impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice.

Although the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, we must be grateful for small mercies of the language that the feminine pronouns after 'She' don't become 'Shis' and 'Shim'.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

We are a strange lot to have noses that run and feet that smell.

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllable"?

英語
ภาษาอังกฤษ
الإنجليزية
~~~

Music: Mykel Angel: Hathi Mere Sathi

Some silliness that I remembered tonight, whilst eating kimchi; things that I would live for over and over again in my life so far;

Flying for the first time, a moment of pure magic

My first kiss

My family

Seeing the aurora borealis with my dad aged 6

Giving

Karaoke in Japan, singing, "Live Forever"

Seeing Calcutta from the air

Representing Britain in France

Representing France in Britain

Planting a tree at least 25+ times every year since I was 11

Walking the Delta works of Holland before completion

Being mis-directed to the WRONG plane in Abu-Dhabi and having the time of my life across the continents~~~

Meeting Heather Nova

Being presented with an India flag

Believing my relative's navigation skills in a prominent French sea port, when we headed the ferry embarkation lane, taking the WRONG turning, upon his screaming "that way!!", and seeing the ENTIRE line of passenger cars follow us into 45 minutes of hell!

Being told, to my ear, 'I like you"

followed, 15 seconds later, by "I love you"

Coming round from anaesthetic after a serious operation, and seeing someone whom I loved smiling at me, reminding me of the importance of living.

~~~

Blog buddies, what are your fondest or craziest memories?? Is there anything you'd love to do again?

~~~

Music: Dissidenten: Fata Morgana
Ravj Prasad: Ounj

The Japanese, like the British are an island people with a multitude of characteristics and beliefs, almost incomprehensible to the world, but it's something as island nations we can perhaps relate to. The British have more than enough oddities, and here are some I learnt in the far-east, with a few fascinating facts thrown-in;

The Japanese will often cover their thumbs in the event of a passing hearse, as it is believed if the do not, their parents may soon die. The reason being that in Japanese the thumb is called, 'oya yubi' which means 'parent finger.'

In Japanese superstition, snakes can be attracted if you whistle at night...the saying "Yoru ni kuchibiru wo fuku to hebi ga kuru" means, "If you whistle at night, a snake will come (into your house)" and it dates from the Edo period, (1603-1867) when whistling was a sign used by burglars as a form of communication or warning, therefore such a memory lingers on, and whistling continued to be associated with thieves, and for someone to whistle was seen as inviting misfortune, burglary, or bad luck into the home, and one of the most srtriking symbols of evil came to be linked with the taboo.

The cutting of one's nails at night is to be avoided, according to Japanese superstition, which says this will bring about an early death; "Yoru ni tsume wo kiru to hayaju ni suru" and also that your parents will die in your absence; "Yoru ni tsume wo kiru to oya no shi ni me ni aenai" which is to say, you will die before they will. Two reasons behind these superstitions are, firstly, during the Edo period, cutting one's nails was unwise due to lack of night light, and secondly, the Japanese word 'Yotsume", (cutting your nails at night), is remarkably similar to "Yo wo tsumeru" meaning 'cut a short life'!

"Lightning bolts will take your navel" ("Kaminari ha heso wo toru" in Japanese), is often said to children by parents as a warning to little ones charging outside innappropriately dressed, urging them to wear a sensible kimono. In traditional Japan, it was said that cold weather can lead to diarrhea, (God this word has cropped up a lot on my recent posts, sorry!), cramps, or undesirable stomach problems, and therefore people wore precautionary Haramaki, (long pieces of cloth wrapped round the tummy) to ensure warm stomachs for their children. As a sudden drop in temperature follows lightning and thunderstorms generally, parents warned their children in vain, and this expression was used to make certain their kids dressed sensibly, in the fear of the lightning stealing away their belly-butttons!

Have you ever wondered why anime characters have unnaturally large eyes? Well, if you go back to the creator, or founder of this art, Osamu Tezuka started drawing his famous Astroboy, while inspired by Betty Boo and her big eyes, after Astro Boy's success, known in Japan as Tetsuwan Atom, manga in other fields copied the style, and it entrenched itself as an essential element.

As for the name we know so well "JAPAN" this probably must credit Portuguese sailors, traders and missionaries, as the first westerners to visit the interior of Japan. (There were also Dutch too.) By this time, 'Zipangu' or 'Jipangu' was being used for present day Japan, as northern Chinese were calling it 'Jihpenkuo'. However, another theory states it is from the Dutch words 'Japan' taken from 'Yatpun' the name the southern Chinese gave to Japan, as the Portuguese and Dutch of the time were dissinterested in using the native Nihon or Nippon.

by lauren6

~~~

Colour: Red, gold and green
Music: Bhakta: In Between Moments
Angels Tears: Midbar Sinai
Karmix: Sabhyata

The forest is a peculiar organism of unlimited kindness and benevolence that makes no demands for its sustenance and extends generously the products of its life and activity; it affords protection to all beings.
-Buddhist Sutra

Some more Thai tree beliefs...

Nang Yaem (Cleredendron fragans).

This Thai shrub has fragrant flowers and is easy to propagte due to it's far-flung underground root system, which have a habit of spring-up anywhere to the point of it being considered rather obtrusive. Thai belief taught me during my trip, that the Nang Yaem will transform into a "phi" upon old age, disrupting the decorum and pelting the houses with stones. In Thai Nang Yaem means "to open slightly in bloom" or "the peeping of a damsel", and therefore it became a frequent visitor to Thai erotic literature.

Champi and Champa (Michelia champaka).

Two varieties of a tree which bear a scented, creamy white flower, (Champi), and a yellowish one always eagerly sought for floral decoration, (Champa). As both are of a soft wood variety, neither are planted near houses in Thailand.

Phutaraksa (Canna Sp.).

This, in Thai, means "Buddha's protection") and is cultivated inside due to it's very beautiful flowers, though some Thais hesitate to grow it near a dwelling, which is amost certainly due to the name of Buddha, and superstition dictates anything sacred or connected to "phi" should be located away from an inhabited house.

Saraphi, Phikun and Chan are seldom found growing in private gardens, but interestingly can bfrequently be seen within royal palace, temple or 'wat' compounds. The planting of these trees in a private garden will invite misfortune, at some time or other, so Thai superstition states.
by lauren6

~~~

Recoiling

Shivers from refrained gluttony
soaking the unrestrained culinary-
delight laying before a birthday-
party , filling up my life - serenade-
her departing, the time slipped
between fingers still seeking-
you, hugging on castle steps
hot as fire that wept -
extinguished hopes clear as ice-
cold feeling, three years -
going-on-four, still reaching-
over clifftops recalling.

Music: Associates: Party Fears Two
DJ Shadow: Fixed Income

~~~

พบไม้งามเมื่อยามขวานบิ่น
Pob mai ngarm muea yam kwan bin.
(Found a nice tree when your axe is broken)
Find beauty later in life

Last night after a day without breakfast or lunch, I pigged-out with friends at Pedros Mexican restaurant in the city, and loved every minute of it. Needing help to walk from the car park, as all the free spaces were taken, (or attempting to be by a chappy who could neither reverse nor decide), and I went multi-story with Maxi Jazz accompanying me, with Faithless: Reverence, only one, yes one space was free on an evening gradually turning white with frost upon frost and -3 on the in-car thermometer...8pm and my space? that bloody-awful one which 'fits' between the girder that resembles a rugby post, and the out lane from the floor above, I'm sure you know the place...that's why it's still vacant in an otherwise packed 900-space cp. Well, I got in easily enough, just as Maxi Jazz growled 'and get off the race track' but then could not get out of my car...I tried three further manoeuvres until finally I managed...my spine makes car parking for more important than ever before!

Helped across the city to Pedros, inside was heaving, and I chose chicken and chilli tortilla, salad and corona beer. After a freezing walk and 24 hours without food, this was so good! Normally, I leave this place aching from the swells of excess, but last night, no, I felt comfortable, and those kidney beans have a sensational 'warming' effect.

Blog buddies, what's for supper tonight?

Music: Faithless: Reverence
Earl Zinger: Song 2wo
Jakatta: It Will Be
Ian Brown: F.E.A.R

~~~

Faithless: Reverence
Watch me ride...

Take the words and the bass,
Taste, and then swallow me,
You're chasing the devil,
Cos you're level if you follow me
For quality, and I make no apology
For linking my thinking with computer technology.
Cos this is like a modern day hymn,
For the new church,
I search for the truth,
I've got a hole in my tooth
I'm Uncouth, yes sir, I'm from the street university
Where we learn to earn even in times of adversity.
And always find the easy way out of a hard time
petty crime sometimes,
But now I'm inclined to find
A fresh direction,
Check out the funky section.
Cos this is the part where I start to rip up words,
A comfort coming straight from my heart,
I'm not a mystic,
My views are realistic, simplistic,
One special brew I get pissed quick,
And get sick so I don't do it no more,
I won't find peace of mind,
Rolling around on the floor.
The point I want to make is
you can never escape from your fate,
The mistake is to take without giving,
From within,
You know how I'm living,

I'm cool. I'm looking after myself,
And I could never place wealth before my spirit,
I feel it's unhealthy,
The devil creep around you so stealthy, stealthy
Till ya get bold, rush the gold,
And before ya time is over,
Ya soul is sold, where's it gettin ya?
Competition starts swearing ya,
Golddiggers setting you up,
Soon be forgetting your existence?
Do ya need a for instance,
I hafta admire your persistence
In sticking to a game plan,
That brings ya pain man,
And at the end of the day nothing is gained,
So listen to the voice within,
I'll see ya later,
Pay heed to the Grand Oral Disseminator.

I keep lying and trying,
Denying the call from inside
Ya can't hide responsibility
So decide from today just who it's going to be,
Thou shalt have no other god but me,
So set ya free see,
But you'll have to listen,
And who's that false idol
I see you kissing?
Money, success and untold wealth, good health
And all ya have to do is love yourself.
It's a fact you'll attract all the things that ya lack,
So just chill
And get off the race track
And take a pace back, face facts,
It's your decision,
You don't need eyes to see,
You need vision,
Continue to view the lord as being separated
And you're living a lie that's been perpetrated,
For many centuries, I wanna mention,
These facts in my rap,
I don't sing,
But I wanna share the peace that it brings,
My name is G.O.D.
The Grand Oral Disseminator...

เข้าเมืองตาหลิ่วให้หลิ่วตาตาม
kao muang dta lew hai lew dta dtam
When you enter a town where people wink, wink as they do.

Good morning!

Every foreign trip I've made, the trees have always been important to me, and the happiest places I've visited around the world, have been those blessed with an abundance of green.

Today, I wish to share some Thai beliefs and superstitions regarding their own beautiful trees. Thailand has some lush forests, and even many cities enjoy some fine gardens, though the country that only a couple of decades ago could boast, (off the top of my head), around 80% cover with tropical forest, has lost at least twenty per cent of that from massive developments. However, the vegetation still impressed me greatly, as did the people, the elderly with so much to teach, the young with so much of their culture to show, Thailand to me is a nation of culture, honour, beauty and deep sensitivity, and I wish more farang would see it that way.

Soak (Saraka indica).

This means 'anguish' or 'sorrow' in Thai, which is perhaps not the best name a tree can have, (though we ourselves have the Weeping Willow). It is thought to possibly be from the Indian asoka bearing red clusters of flowers, together with it's pleasant fragrance. Indian belief suggests it flowers after being "struck by the foot of a beautiful damsel". Indeed, in Sanskrit, 'asoka' means sorrowless, but in transit, the word lost it's original meaning, through the ommission of it's accent, became 'soak' or 'sok' in Thai, meaning the complete opposite of sorrowless!

Lanthom.

Known as the 'Temple or Pagoda Flower Tree' or frangipani. The Thai word 'rathom' rather resembles Lanthom, and means 'apony' and is something of a taboo. This tree is often found near a Wat or Thai monastery, and belief informs us and unlucky or ill will lose it's negative effects.

Rak (Calotropis gigantea).

The Araka of India, the flowers of this tree hang round criminals necks in the form of garlands, when they are led to execution. Thailand hosts these trees, growing wild in deserted dry regions, and the flowers made into floral tributes used for cremations. The trunk and branches have a milky sap. Recently, it has almost become the norm for bride and bridegrooms to wear a garland made from these flowers, due to the lovely fact that 'rak' means 'love' in Thai.

Tau Rang (Caryota mitispalmae).

A palm tree, which has poisonous fruit walls from it's berries. Can be found in ornamental homes are arboretum in Europe, however, in Thailand, the second syllable of the word 'tau rang' resembles another word meaning abandonement or deserted. There, this point and the poisonous nature of it's fruit makes it somewhat un-economic and a little taboo in Thailand.

Sala and Rakam (Zallaca wallichianapalmae).

Two trees which are very alike, these ratan-like palms have sharp spines around the stem. In Thai, 'sala' means 'foresaken' while 'rakam' means 'affliction' therefore you will not find them near a home, or in a garden. However, their edible fruits, often sour, but some regions produce sweet flavours, have high commerical value. Gardeners will though, plant them as hedges, thanks to their sharp spines which adds some security within.

by lauren6

~~~

Just now the sky, the streets, the houses, the people, are all dingy grey. There is neither light nor shade from morning to night.

-M.S. Holland, November 30th, 1879