※SpinalGap24 ※

9am eternal
(I can hear you calling)

On the sentimental wave
an all-conquering emotion
ruling this enclave
like a former devotion

Calling a name
as familiar as it was true
reigniting the flickering flame
the meaning still offers no clue

Lingering amidst the sunset
fading by sunrise
-the part so desolute-
yet without compromise.

March 31st, 8:56am

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place. ~Zen

I read these today, and really wonder if they can be true. The magazine assures us that it is indeed factual, according to various reliable sources it has to be said, but can this be right...

Ten years ago, only 500 people in China could ski. This year, an estimated 5,000,000 Chinese will visit ski resorts.

?? I'm quite sure that the number of Chinese skiers will have greatly increased, but only 500 ten years ago?? Did Eddie the Eagle visit the Great Wall about that time??

As for banking, nothing has changed really,

The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.

Which brings me to this one, which I do not wish to spend much time pondering, because even with today's billions, it seems only a dozen people hold the world's currency...

If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people,50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people.

The year is 2006, but not much has changed, only the stomach is closer to the land than it was in the 1800's...

In the 1800's, people believed that gin could cure stomach problems.

I did hear that McDonald's were beginning to close 'restaurant's' in the UK, as they seem to have gone beyond the levelling-off stage, but as David Bowie once said, this is not America...

McDonalds calls frequent buyers of their food heavy users.
Americans ate eight million more orders of french fries and almost six million more hamburgers this year compared to last. [for the year 2005]

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Marcel Proust

Distinction found beneath the surface
heavy eyelids sink without trace
unveiling a worldly, operatic paradise
a mercurial night given to hypnotise
Though no bed of roses nor a curtain call
this life offers death, both to befall-
the latter's friendly disguise assumed foolishly
-eventual truths and goals striven feverishly-
life's instinct touched upon these very hands
balance! the redeeming feature over time across varying lands

Thirty year old sounds
abounding the surrounding now
fresh and clean-
deepest feelings embrace all that I mean

the Sun glares at me, clouds deceived
It's greeting gratefully received
a moment of past illuminating what's next
music from all sides putting life into context

It's to fly - rise or fall
to float - sink or swim
walk - with both feet firmly on the ground
run - but learn to walk first!

Talk - though speak only when spoken to
answer - upon waiting your turn
question - on your head be it
this life?? for better or worse

I found this article extremely interesting and thoughtful, changing the shape of my own day with it's depth.
Therefore, I post it herewith for you all...

Fear is our programmed response to danger, heightening our senses, supplying a surge of internal energy that we may require to save our lives. But our danger detectors never did work perfectly, and they were programmed in our evolutionary past, when sources of danger and means of escape were both different from what we face today. The result is that fear is very far from a reliable indication of danger, and yet it remains a powerful force within us. ‘Panic’ is the word we use to describe irrational fear, and it can deprive us of our critical functions at a time when we need them most. It may not matter so much that we are gripped with fear as we watch a horror movie, but the fear that engulfs us as we stand before an audience can distort our performance, alter the message we seek to communicate.

Deconditioning our fear responses is a lifetime endeavor. One by one, we replace them with sound judgment about what is a threat to be avoided, and what is an adventure to be embraced.

It has been said that transcending fear, we arrive at love.

~ Josh Mitteldorf

Though my energy is low, indeed lower than ever, I am replying to all your beautiful comments on my post, wordwards, as I owe you all so much.

No fear, the word is love,
lauren6

“It is true that we cannot be free from sin, but at least let our sins not be always the same.”
~ Saint Teresa of Avila, born in this month (28th), in 1515.

The impossible may spark a revolution of possibilities
spoken of unknown pleasures and untold mystery
wistful fancies spiralling beyond the mind's dreamy eye
from dusky flights ensuing hours offer dawning rewards
destinations of the soul, travels of the mind
a heartwarming discovery awakening the senses.

From the worst, I witnessed the best...yes, watching Arsenal from my sick bed, last night was a great joy, even from a Liverpool supporter!
Apart from the opening minutes, Arsenal were exhilerating, and captured their dizzy heights of two/three years ago...maybe even exceeded them.
Juventus were made to look a complete shambles, and remember last season, Liverpool did the same to Juventus at Anfield, at the same stage, but for fewer minutes, and sadly allowed Juventus a solitary consolation goal to bring with them back to the San Siro, which was not enough, and Liverpool, with that blistering 45 minutes of total football, went onwards and into history.
So Arsenal, surely...you have the best chance you've ever had to make it through to the semi-finals.
As a lifelong LFC fan, I wish you the very best.

My wishes are also for Benfica to somehow overcome Barcelona in the Nou Camp.
Força Benfica allez allez

Yes, the wind is tearing away at the early flowers, heaving at the garden furniture, dismantling the feng-shui arrangements in the hospital courtyards, but still the Sun touches the surface of all things...eventually.

And this is my feeling today, though the Sun may take on any shape or form in life, from you to me, and all that exists between, it will not, and can not lay it's rays upon every blade of grass, or crack in the pavement that may be a clink in my armour, but give it time, as with ALL things, and the Sun with it's life-sustaining charm, will touch upon even the darkest soul, bring a glow to the souless, warmth to the blue, and guidance for growth.
Never see the darkest slabs of concrete, but relish the Sun that will always win the day, even though it must set to darkness, so we must all act in like manner...awaiting the new day...for every sunrise has the hope and possibility of being better than any other before.

Remember the Sun, it is like us all, unable to shine constantly through a screen of creation, but behind the persistant clouds, behind the mask, lies a great burning gift of life within us all.

This is for you all.

I'm fading, my body tells me, but I have set myself a timescale that can offer much more...if the Sun shines, so will I.
But sometimes, the peaks and troughs are all too easily forgotten.
I'm only human, it may not be enough for some, but it is more than enough for me.

love to all,
lauren6

A Silent 'S'

wind growls through leafless limes
nagging at expetant daffodils displaying tremendous resolve
clouds thrown together cluster round the beckoning Sun
drawing us all before it's warming rays
-a welcome feeling for Winter-weary Souls
Howling cold halted by tingling Spring sounds
such gentle tunes liaise with our deepest senses
igniting the imminent explosion of Spring
Winter creases now unfurled; laid smooth
free from icy restriction to rejoice in Spring's salvation.

Why do ‘a fat chance’ and ‘a slim chance’ mean the same thing?

Why do we hang our clothes on a washing line and not a drying line?

Why do people skip breakfast more than any other meal, considering that this is the time when the stomach is emptiest, and proven to be 'the most important meal of the day'?

When you feel down, why do people ask what’s up?

In horse racing, why do they award the rider and not the horse?

If insects are so obsessed with bright lights, why don’t they fly off to the sun?

Whatever happened to "Make Love not War?"

"The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath."

Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
~Aesop

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.
~Ludwig Börne

"All I do is act on my passions and they call it sin.
All I do is tell the truth and they call me a hypocrite.
All I feel is pain and sorrow and they call it love.
All I do is pour my heart out to empty pages and they call it poetry."
~Benito Behar

This is well worth posting, sharing, and above all...remembering!

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older,their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you", mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name-calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY ONE. Spend some time alone.

Author Unknown

Are computers masculine or feminine?

A French teacher was explaining to her College class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the
answer, the teacher split the class into two groups-male and female-and
asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a
masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons
for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the
feminine gender (la computer) because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later review; and,
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine (le computer) because:
1 In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and,
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Music: Daft Punk

"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
- Proverb

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = pro motion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY STATISTICS
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

besmirching a cirrus-strewn sky
six rings chosen to deny
silence suffocates like cumulus in the ascendency
splitting the day, extremes in residency

what sounds now for the mind on tenter-hooks?
rumble of passing cars to be read like books?
as light touches ark turning blue
midday's port-of-call affords renew

familiarity override alienates isolation
the feelings a causeway and heart a tide,
emotional dam plugging away energy like sap
thirsting for you to bridge the widening gap

You know, sometimes goodbye is easier than hello...
and tonight, likewise, I cannot sleep, for the events of this afternoon, and the fears of the upcoming days. The progress is slight, if negligable. The spinal root nerve injection has now passed into it's second week, with no obvious benefits, though I have found some sleeping positions tolerable, for which I am grateful.

However, all these jabs and 'quick-fix' solutions have put more pressure on something of greater importance; the heart, which today seemed to do the pole-vault, (speeded-up), several times in one minute. (At one stage I feared the worst, but called the nurse, just in time, though my weekend is now totally accounted for.)

I'm typing here, for my sanity and with a belief that somewhere down this lonely line, fresh, vigourous Oaks, bathed in summer sun will once more be found, housing a dozen birds, illuminated by the brilliant power of reflection, nurtured by nature's unending cycle of life, from which we all spring.

My days are no longer free, nor easy, and I hesitate to detail the extent of what I'm presently enduring, as it may be tedious, boring and a little morbid.

I'm weakening by the week, but remain hopeful, though my view of the world, and my own place within it, has changed enormously these past weeks in particular, there is so much to appreciate around us all...and that is enjoyment we can all share with equal appreciation, in great quantities.

All the best everyone.
lauren6

PS: Noted that Liverpool have once again been paired with Chelsea, who are noticeably feeble of late. With 15 goals in our last 3 games, we have a good chance indeed.

A book should be an ice-axe to break the frozen sea within us.

-Kafka

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Yawn : The only time some people ever get to open their mouth.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Etc . : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience : The name people give to their mistakes.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

9 hours touching the world's other side
merely half a day from the turning tide
beneath the frosted Earth
humbling days, a Winter's bylaw-
set my mind travelling
to be comforted
in the arms of your every word
screaming pain released and momentarily unheard

Just wishing everyone a good week.
So glad Liverpool have found their scoring touch, in spectacular fashion.

What is your highlight of this week?

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.

Maya Angelou

Fear is not the natural state of civilised people
Aung San Suu Kyi

Down from the Western Heights
your sad eyes soon showed delights
a shy little thing eager to please
on clifftop walks for recovering knees
castle battlements, parks and sea
the healthiest life by degree
august drew a line, then full stop
your life remembered in this teardrop

Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

Walk into the woods.
Keep walking. Walk off tracks.
Do not plan where you are going.
Take whatever directions appeal in the moment.
Keep walking.
When (without realizing) you are lost, look into the eyes of the dragon,
then your adventure begins

Last night I enjoyed the final part of "Time" with Michio Kaku, exploring time. It has been a truly fabulous 4-part series...

TIME

In this four-programme series, string theory pioneer Michio Kaku goes on an extraordinary exploration of the world in search of time.
He discovers our sense of time passing and the clocks that drive our bodies. He reveals the forces of time that make and destroy us in a lifetime. He journeys to some of the Earth's most spectacular geological sites to look for clues to the extraordinary depths of time at a planetary level. Finally, he takes us on a cosmic journey in search of the beginning (and the end) of time itself.

1. DAYTIME
Sunday 26 February 8pm-9pm
Time seems to drive every moment. It's the most inescapable force we feel. But do we experience time from within our minds and bodies or from the outside?

2. LIFETIME
Sunday 5 March 8pm-9pm
The most powerful effect of time on our lives is the way it limits us. Our knowledge of death is so embedded in our lives and spirituality that, were immortality possible, would we lose the sense that makes us human?

3. EARTH TIME
Sunday 12 March 8pm-9pm
We hold a unique knowledge of time, realising that it stretches deep into the past, and will continue into the future. How does this affect our sense of who we are?

4. COSMIC TIME
Sunday 19 March 8pm-9pm
We've always structured our lives based on an unchanging past and a predictable and ordered future. But atomic and cosmic discoveries have changed all that. What is time itself? And will it ever end?

Three successive England rugby games have all ended in disaster, and embarrassment. Even before that, when England won in Italy, it was hardly positive. But yesterday was humbling...however, Norwich City did manage to hold on to a 2-1 scoreline, and gain all three points. As with last weekend, they came from a goal behind to take the lead, and endured the customary nail-biting finale, and this time, won.

But Sheffield United's Warnock should be ashamed with his two-finger insult to the Norwich bench at the end. What was that for Mr. Warnock, do tell?
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the city centre Forum's removal of the "offensive" Churchill statue.

Is Spring late with you?
Here any flower brave enough to raise a head, finds itself alone. Snow showers and 'stiff northerlies' prevail in the east this month.

The titanium from Japan has had no obvious affects as yet, though I have found a Philippine store, as the hospital is well-staffed with friendly and very helpful staff from the pearl of the Orient, (yes! the Philippines are referred to as that, as well), and brought some calamansi(lime) and honey syrup, excellent for health, and with a touch of vodka thrown-in!!! But that is not really what I want to say.

It's the fact that the nearby wards have been cordoned-off due to the winter bug which is knocking patients down like nine pins
...just hope I'm not No.10...
(that's tongue-in-cheek BTW)

adversity may cut the very edges of time
yet somewhere finds an inner voice
when hurt speaks little, cloaked in silence
this immense energy composes the march of time

a prelude formed from the gates of hell
an unfinished symphony
where only bells may ring-out
silhouetted against a Sun that never set

Jimi Hendrix: Spanish Castle Magic

It's very far away,
It takes about half a day,
To get there, if we travel by my a.....dragonfly

No, it's not in Spain,
But all the same,
You know,
It's a groovy name
And the wind's just right.

Hang on, My Darling,
Hang on if you want to go
You know it's a really groovy place
And it's just a little bit of Spanish Castle Magic.

The clouds are really low,
And they overflow,
With cotton candy
And battle grounds,
Red and brown.

But it's all in your mind,
Don't think your time,
On bad things,
Just float your little mind around.
Look out
Hang on, My Darling, Yeah
Hang on if you want to go
It puts everything else on the shelf
With just a little bit of Spanish Castle Magic
Just a little bit of daydream here and there.

Hang on, My Darling, Yeah
Hang on if you want to go
It puts everything else on the shelf
With just a little bit of Spanish Castle Magic
Just a little bit of daydream here and there.

I'm hoping that Liverpool and Norwich City can improve their results this coming week. Last weekend Norwich were robbed by their own failings, and instead of a memorable and deserved 2-1 away win at Leeds, slunk home with a 2-2 draw, conceding in the 90th minute.

However, Fowler scored his first (fourth??) Liverpool-return goal, and if only the strikers could remember the white sticks and nets more often, we'd surely be number 2 and still in all cup competitions.

This weekend, I have been 'fitted' with titanium from Japan in a bid to rid my body of intense pain. The spinal root nerve injections have been declared a failure, actually increasing my pain by about 15% and causing the left side of the broken spine bones to swell. There really is a hell in hell.

Nonetheless,I keep drawing for short spells, moving and resting reguarly in the process, and occasionally coming here to read your lovely comments and post something. (Again, I try to reply as much as my physical self can manage, so forgive me if I've not replied all comments yet.)

Have a great weekend all~~

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons???

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why oh why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do whales look the way they do?

and so to saturday
the 18th for sure
appearing cold and dull
yesterday's tunnel sooted and past
memories remain
tingling sounds
of actions long gone
those vigourous visions
of ailing recollection
white smoke plumes
reach a sky that can't be seen
in my eyes, within my senses
travel and time pass
effortlessly without age
yesterday's absent departure with no gain
is today's destination without the pain

Take away the rights of one
-you render all right's wrong

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell too?

Are female moths called myths?

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

What do you say if you're talking to God, and He sneezes?

What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?

What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?

Does killing time damage eternity?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?

le cygne dans la lune,
lancé à la lumière
(a reçu mon attention)
nous avons été lancés,
de notre endroit légitime.

the Swan in the Moon
floated to the light
-caught my eye-
we both were hurled
from our rightful place

Morning Sun called a penannular thought
inside lay my fears
outside focused attention
hopes and dreams brought forth on sunbeams
minatory clutches faking comfort
predatory dominions blurring the Stars
but Heaven's as clear as Crystal
with migrating heart's and lives entwined

Paradise
easier to envisage when so far
motionless, helpless and pained,
yet paradise found midst the drama

In Mind at least
Nature's beauty complimented by sound
with the 'Here, There and Everywhere'
landscaping the 'here and now' so completely

Routine
never pressed paradise before my very steps
nor painted leaves so vivid and inchoate
merely a scent, a vision of lifelong ambition

Hurting enchased a physical pain gaining haste
en-avant! a mind now free to roam
the paradise never found reaching-out
no! such paradise was reached within.

They say that the peoples of Greenland are not weighed down by the past, have no deep concerns for the future, but instead are totally consumed with today which is all about their life and wellbeing.

Seals, (bless them), offer the inhabitants everything from food to shelter and clothing, and a Greenlander's philosophy is, 'if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for us' with any climatic change that may occur, only reinforcing their inner endurance and determination. After all, what could be beyond Greenland?

Human endurance and adaptability are boundless.
If the worst comes to the worst, I believe we can all adapt adequately enough, at least enough to survive, we have all just become FAR too accustomed to silly self-indulgent comforts. (Some of which are fine,) but if we live our life entirely consumed with these comforts, how close are we to nature and the world on which we depend?

Two examples just this week, on one journey to hospital.
1) A female jogger, so caught up in displaying her iPod to passing traffic, that she was overtaken by eco-friendly walking commuters.
2) A male hoody, fiddling nervously with his cellphone, which appeared to hold the most vital sms of his life, however, upon hitting the red traffic light, being astride this lad, his phone was 'off' but his phone was bloody beautiful, as all of us unfortunates waiting in line would agree.

Is it all necessary? Is it all happy?
I'm reassured, a little, that more people, (but not enough), have become closer to the earth once more, and that does not catagorise them as green-wellies, but something infinitely more precious...human!

from house to driveway
car to road
one lane to two
left to right
green to red (sorry amber)
iPod to mobile
envy to disgust
0-30
signal to car park
corridor to waiting room
waiting and waiting
infuriating.

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book."
Irish Proverb

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
Buddha

"A healthy body is the guest-chamber of the soul; a sick, its prison."
Francis Bacon

"The more severe the pain or illness, the more severe will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits, or acquiring some new and better ones."
Peter McWilliams

"One of the most sublime experiences we can ever have is to wake up feeling healthy after we have been sick."
Rabbi Harold Kushner

...who I haven't replied to yet, please accept my apologies.
I will reply to each and every comment, when time and particularly, physical energy allow. (I'm struggling against total weakness, whereby the lifting of even my arm is too much...but today I have a little movement.)

As always, every comment is a delight and tremendous encouragement to me, and please keep in touch, if you can, your every word is radiant in my eyes.

Take care all, with love,
lauren6

Spectaculorum procedere debet

The Beloved: Dream On
just close your eyes, open your head
set the inside of you full speed ahead
believe in your inner sense and all that you feel
because nothing's impossible and everything's real

don't stop dreaming, dream on
you've got to keep on keeping on
always believing

don't stop dreaming, dream on
you've got to keep on keeping on
always believing

floating up high, you can reach for the sky
set your pulse racing, heaven-embracing
sunshiny days, eachways and anyways
all your tomorrows, bye, bye yesterday

unwilling or willing you from the beginning to...
feel it cloaking you, tripping you
guiding you, calling you in

don't stop dreaming, dream on
you've got to keep on keeping on
always believing

don't stop dreaming, dream on...

Up, up and away.

Shining light embodying the power of life
a lacuna sought when reason deserts
absenteeism tempts fresh focus
a world seen before it's understood,
when such understanding is a world away -
breath the air
each breathe may be your first or last
open your eyes
there's always more to be seen, beyond what's already been
give it Time
Time is truth, unfailingly
the making and breaking of us all
though somewhere within
burns a timeless energy called life

To my dearest friends, once again thanking you DEEPLY for your kind words/comments, which give me great hope and strength, I love you all.
The past three days, dare I say, have been hell, and a mere three hours sleep were managed in that time, with any food consumed quickly being dispatched again...too much medication too soon, with anaesthetic and injections all over my back, body has had enough and duly told me so, in no frank terms...

"off with their heads" tummy rumbled
"we are not amused" legs did denounce
"there is no alternative" brain mumbled
"never surrender" heart did announce.

...and so, with internal chaos brought on by conflicting medication, in NHS speed-up mode, after one year of nothing, I get it all in just a few weeks. This is the fastrack to where??

Multiplying flowerheads
of every colour
fill my mind
engrave the day
Blossoming motion
anti-clockwise endeavour
of Spring unfolding
Sunlight's great opening,
countless opportunities-
a microcosm of change

Waited so long
over a year as such
received so little
now the pain's too much.

You can't fly a kite unless you go against the wind and have a weight to keep it from turning a somersault. The same with man. No man will succeed unless he is ready to face and overcome difficulties and is prepared to assume responsibilities.
William J.H. Boetcker

C. George Boeree, Ph.D. of Shippensburg University wrote about the Four Noble Truths

1. Life is suffering. Life is at very least full of suffering, and it can easily be argued that suffering is an inevitable aspect of life. If I have senses, I can feel pain; if I have feelings, I can feel distress; if I have a capacity for love, I will have the capacity for grief. Such is life.

2. Suffering is due to attachment. We might say that at least much of the suffering we experience comes out of ourselves, out of our desire to make pleasure, happiness, and love last forever and to make pain, distress, and grief disappear from life altogether.

3. Suffering can be extinguished. At least that suffering we add to the inevitable suffering of life can be extinguished. Or, if we want to be even more modest in our claims, suffering can at least be diminished.

4. And there is a way to extinguish suffering. This is what all therapists believe -- each in his or her own way. But this time we are looking at what Buddha's theory --dharma -- has to say: He called it the Eightfold Path.

...and this passed my mind after I signed another paper, authorising my latest operation in the hands of our NHS.

As I lay belly-down, with all dignity passed-over like the latest page in the book, was told to lay motionless...words which ALWAYS press my 'play button'...how can the mind stay still after being told this?
What if I sneeze...I just noticed a sniffle, a tickle, a bluebottle, a buzzing sound, could it be a bee about to land on my nose, or worse, what if I get cramp? 40 minutes motionless-yet-fully-conscious is asking the suppression of temptation too much, but the surgeon has the upper-hand, the needle, and with that needle, control of my root nerve nestling within my spine.

I recall his conversation with the assistant about a cat named Sharon. How I wish I was able to transmogrify...and for a moment, all of one second, (perhaps two if I embellish this post a little), I WAS Sharon, the surgeon's proud Persian.

My brief success at south American shapeshifting techniques faltered totally upon the surgeon's crisp words, 'Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, needle entering now, going to hurt, sorry, sorry, going-in now' ...and he was right.
The worst part, was the constancy. The electric bolt of pain from root nerve spine to toe nerves, neck nerves, any nerve was horrifying, but it went on, and on, and on, until I could feel an 'imaginary' weight pressing my muscles, particularly in my legs, as if a suction was decompressing self.

There were three of these in total, followed by a coldness, then elation, togeher with some bizarre humour from a relieved me, and finally shutdown. I just went-out completely.

I fully agree that life, as we know it, is more about suffering, or so it seems, and recovery is twice as hard as discovery. But if I seek any reason to love what I love, even more, it is all this right here around me.

Laying myself down under several surgeons again and again, allows my mind to take more pain, uncertainty and more travelling than ever before. I believe one reason for my exhaustion is in part due to the vast distances traversed by my mind on those tables.

I'm in a different world to the one of the surgeon who chats merrily about Sharon, as I hope I'll be able to walk again. Such is life, he a model professional, a surgeon saving me, and here am I, beneath, surrendering my being to science...or am I?

Part of me, the one that types right now, is far from the me that fends off tickling bees in surgery, because that me, is always here.

Dearest friends, stay positive and full of belief, it will get you through all things. It needs no bold print, or underlining, as it lays within you, where only you need read it.

Take care, with love,
lauren6

PS: I need to rest now, which is vital. As tomorrow, I have surgery once again.
Night night all.

PPS: Your comments are beautiful, everyone, thank you.

The Beloved: A Dream Within a Dream

seven years or seven lives
put a price on anything
a word of wisdom to the wise
you've given up on everything
the more you learn to recognise
the danger signs are gathering

will you fly with me as i sleep in you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
are we evergreen or forever blue?
in paradise the only hope is believing

is it trust or is it love
risen to a higher plane
we're following a different path
it never feels the same again
imagine you could live your life
but everything remains the same

will you fly with me as i sleep in you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
are we evergreen or forever blue?
in paradise the only hope is believing

if you come to me, i'll succumb to you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
omnipresent me, iridescent you
in paradise the only hope is believing

in a circle of life in a cycle of love
in a circle of life in a cycle of love
in a circle of life in a cycle of love
in a circle of life in a cycle of love
in a circle of life in a cycle of love
in a circle of life in a cycle of love

will you fly with me as i sleep in you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
are we evergreen or forever blue?
in paradise the only hope is believing

if you come to me, i'll succumb to you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
omnipresent me, iridescent you
in paradise the only hope is believing

will you fly with me as i sleep in you
in paradise the loneliness is deceiving
are we evergreen or forever blue?
in paradise the only hope is believing

Away from the foes and indignant subtraction
of life and lies neither seen nor heard
free from weight and diatribes relented
yet balance remains in the hands of the entrusted

-lauren6 (whilst laying under the surgeon's needles)

I tried to write something that might make sense here, and failed due to ridiculously heavy medication...but rest assured each and every comment from you all was read, and appreciated with my heart content!

Dearest friends, I give you this song...my favourite music of this moment...

The Beloved: Three Steps to Heaven

consider it done like a father, like son
like a ship that is lost at sea, drifting aimlessly
far away from me

when you're falling asleep and your breathing is deep
but your drifting right out of sight into darkest night
go towards the light

feel love (feel love) - real love (real love)
give love (give love) - three steps to heaven
love life (love life) - live life (live life)
give life (give life) - three steps to heaven

like a shot in the dark, i was wide of the mark
it's wide open and plain to see,
just the inner me, trying to break free

feel love (feel love) - real love (real love)
give love (give love) - three steps to heaven
love life (love life) - live life (live life)
give life (give life) - three steps to heaven

(feel love, real love, give love...)
(feel love, real love, give love...)
(feel love, real love, give love...)
(feel love, real love, give love...)

it was all coming back when the image turned black
and my vision began to swim, something from within
seemed to pull me in

feel love (feel love) - real love (real love)
give love (give love) - three steps to heaven
love life (love life) - live life (live life)
give life (give life) - three steps to heaven

feel love (feel love) - real love (real love)
give love (give love) - three steps to heaven
love life (love life) - live life (live life)
give life (give life) - three steps to heaven
three steps to heaven...

from lauren6's recovery room

...thank you for your lovely, lovely comments, ALL of you, ALWAYS...make me so much happier.
A big thanks to you all for such comments on my blog...and please, please, please forgive me for not being able to reply to all of them...it hurts me to not do that, however, I hope you understand the reason...being here, recovering slowly...

I would add that I have found this blog community to be truly supportive and incredible...beyond anything I could ever have imagined, and for that I'm extremely grateful.

However, today, I cannot feel or use my right leg, the nerves in my spine taking a pounding yesterday.
But, hoping for the best!

Take care everyone~~!!
love,
lauren6

ps: I don't feel like mentioning Liverpool today.

All Changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

Anatole France

I read this today, and thought I'd share it here...

Science will never be able to reduce the value of a sunset to arithmetic. Nor can it reduce friendship to formula. Laughter and love, pain and loneliness, the challenge of beauty and truth: these will always surpass the scientific mastery of nature.

Louis Orr (speech to the American Medical Association, 6/6/60)

Between operations

Hello dearest friends,

Hope you are all fine?
I have just come round...after anaesthetic and surgery...the surgeon injected my spinal nerve three times...and that feeling resembled acupuncture in the exact same spot, only ten times worse...maybe 15 times more painful...feeling something cold enter through my lumbar spine nerves, creating an electric shock of pain from the tip of my right foot to my head is not nice. Our supposition is that it'll help me, for a while...but right now, I feel as rotten as Johnny ever did.

For the first time, I gave out a roar of pain in surgery, and bit the pillow...it felt like my very creation, existence, life and future hung in the balance of one surgeon's needle. Of course, that is not entirely accurate, but when such a nerve is tweaked and injected, after being trapped for over a year, it did cause such a feeling.

Late April will see my very major surgery, which might work, or might not...I was informed that it has 'no guarantees to save your spine' ...which is, by now, something I try to accept, with an inner fire of belief to the contrary.

Tonight, to continue the fight, Liverpool take on Benfica...so 'we' must win, yes!

Warmest wishes to all~~

For all my dearest friends, bloggers, and blog community...I drew this, with a raging head after more injections near my spinal nerve...so I hope you can enjoy my humble inkpen's 'words'...

Greatest thanks to all of you, and to moondancer for mentioning me.
I am DEEPLY touched with ALL of you...with the whole of this blog community and team, you are fantastic.
I'm heavily medicated right now, in a poor state physically, so cannot write up much, but this is an enormous thanks to each and every one of you!

Will reply and write when health permits...but my heart and spirit is GREATLY cheered tonight after reading so many warm and encouraging comments.

Warmest love to all~~

Every heart that has beat strongly
and cheerfully has left a hopeful
impulse behind it in the world,
and bettered the tradition of mankind.

Robert Louis Stevenson

You Never Know
.
You never know when someone
might catch a dream from you.
Or something you say may open up the windows
of a mind that seeks light;
The way you live may not matter at all,
But you never know, it might.
.
And just in case it could be
that another's life, through you,
might possibly change for the better
with a better and brighter view,
it seems it might be worth a try
at pointing the way to the right;
Of course, it may not matter at all,
but then again, it might.
.
Unknown

There are ways but the Way is uncharted;
There are names but not nature in words:
Nameless indeed is the source of creation
But things have a mother and she has a name.

The secret waits for the insight
Of eyes unclouded by longing;
Those who are bound by desire
See only the outward container.

These two come paired but distinct
By there names.
Of all things profound,
Say that their pairing is deepest,
The gate to the root of the world.

from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

Words?

What do words say to you? What does it mean...what should it mean...what can it mean???
These are enormous questions when left alone.

Yesterday afternoon, I was offered many, by someone nearby, but...without a single word from self, was exposed to a tirade of pent-up anger, frustration, and all manner of internal emotions, that burst upon my unsuspecting frame...my mind closed at first, as my form of protection, however, 30 minutes later I gave up, and exploded too...

My question was, 'what have I ever done to you?'
This person was in a world of their own, extremely well-read, sane and respectable in every degree...however, I walked out of my sick bed, (yes, that IS what I did!!), and vowed never to converse with this person again.
Rationale can be fruitless when faced with a rotting pie.

I regret giving this person 30 minutes, because I just sat there drawing, and the tirade helped my sketch actually...but enough is enough...we all have a value and a limit, and it should not be tested too often, though there are many who need reminding of the fact.

Anyway, it is snowing outside, and I'm being treated for extremely high blood pressure once more, affecting my heart, and as for the spine...well, the local news here is that our hospital, (a 'flagship hospital') is £30 million in debt and surgeons have been 'ordered to delay or even postpone operations at all costs'.
So, after waiting well over a year with a now confirmed broken spine, can now expect to wait another year, which my Chinese practitioners warned will put me permanantly in a wheelchair.

I'll fight them with this, and failing that, will go abroad to face my essential spinal operation.

Do words or health come first??
...neither of them actually...as money is the ultimate winner...

money possessess all...though possessed by few it seems.

Mumon's Verse for Chao-chou's Oak Tree, Case 37

Words cannot express things;
Speech does not convey the spirit.
Swayed by words, one is lost;
Blocked by phrases, one is bewildered.

- Two Zen Classics: Mumonkan & Hekiganroku

The One remains, the many change and pass;
Heaven’s light forever shines, Earth’s shadows fly;
Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass,
Stains the white radiance of Eternity,
Until Death tramples it to fragments.

Percy Byssche Shelley

Another day, another medically dominant day, filled with medicines of contradictory nature, satisfying my medical records far better than my now sceptical stomach lining which has had a gutfull of all this.

From 6pm yesterday until now, I've been cold, shaking, vomitting and fed up.
However, my head and heart feel, amazingly, on top form, which surprises me more than I could imagine. Many operations will follow, and for now injections, (from the NHS perspective) will suffice.

The snow falls outside for now, with a delicate coating to the deep green grass surrounding the hospital helipad. Young newly planted (or uprooted?) pines hold on to the 'plains' for survival...a battle I'm sure they'll win, unlike my near neighbour who, with grubby-chubby fingers, hacked down a magnificent Cedar from his driveway. He, in visual ignorance, revealed a deeper selfishness, in asserting his right to slice this master down before all our eyes. The tree, perhaps 100 years old, and 30 feet tall, gave grace to about 30 surrounding houses, a parade of small shops, the suburban road, and passers-by stuck in their daily monotony. It is now merely a stump, a memory, and close to two more giant Oak stumps, both hacked down, roadside in the past year, by a man I place even lower than the potato in nature's scheme of things...however, this sub-potato specimen, had the ability to destroy (a combined age of) 500+ years of nature's growth, for the sake of his sitting-room.

My mind has sown a thousand pines in the past 24 hours, with many more to come.

one potato, two potato...