※SpinalGap24 ※

beautiful day
the struggle goes on
what can I say?
mild hope set upon.

Lovely day, the best for weeks, and my operatons were horrifically painful, (one without anaesthetic). I have more than just my spine to fix now, and every daily function or movement has entered a different sphere.

I was due to have a massive spinal operation, but the doctor stated that such an operation this week would be too much for my already weakened body, and would indeed "fnish me off".
At last words that make sense!

So, instead, I'll be heading to a remote place for recovery...I'm lucky to still be living and 'mobile' enough to use public transport...I need nothing better than nothing...in the form of remoteness, heat, water, nature, and freedom of the soul...after all these months of constricting hellish surgery.

Forgive me dear friends for taking a time-out ...but please understand my need for freedom, to escape claustrophobic hospital walls, and regain some life again. I need the air that blows over oceans and forests, to hear birdsong that passes territories, to sit beneath trees that stand fixed for life, from seeds that fly miles to regenerate life.
This invigouration is essential to life and now, for myself too. I need this more than anything.
Allow me to recover something, give me a few days, or weeks, to re-find my soul, so hurt by punishment of the physical being, and so tested by torrid times of surgical sorcery.

I'll be back!
With love.
lauren6

PS: I don't wish to single out names, but there are a few of you, who I'm indebted to, for your constant support and care to me.
You are like gold in my heart...you know who you are, and my deepest gratitude to you special ones.

PPS: Well done Arsenal!!

Circles

the beat within accrued
the beat without
as day was silenced
by night's vastness aloud
one second on,
this moment's all gone
fresh vistas unfolding
a constant calling
A second embraced
is soon replaced
yet the song was
what it's about to become
where I've never set foot
remains the place to return.

April 21st

Hardly a word
in reality, that dim and distant place
parked within the lines
those confines withold what's true
when all is told
words will be light years from my mind
behind closed eyes
Stars within touching distance
-speed of sound-
achieved without need for light.

April 20th

Before today's operation, I found this very amusing...

The Absurdity of English

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop

Thanks for so much for your kind support, words and good wishes...

I'm really in two worlds now.

Just had nattou for lunch, but can barely move these days.
Tomorrow will be a very important day, the 25th even more so...with consultants, surgeons alike, they all merge now.
I'm not enjoying my life anymore.

those times turning away
walking away, out of gaze
seems the way to go
at times like these
away, surely, distantly
walking with unsteady nerves
without sun, without moon
accompanying decency in bloom
overpowered by silent movement
home between land and sky
touching neither
living with both
just sometimes,
we are truly alone
waiting for now
longing for the end
only the minutest of things
breaks the greatest of spells
-that is when we touch,
the individuality of the whole

In 'praise' of Britain
Many an early wooden bathtub was fitted with a shelf across the middle to hold food and drink. Oval in shape, said tub was designed so two people could face each other over the shelf, and dine. The practice was practical, to get the maximum out of a minimum of hot water. But it fell out of favour when Queen Victoria moved the morality of the western world.

If we take our cue from apes, rosy cheeks are crucial in the dating game, says a new study. Scientists at Stirling University in Great Britain have found that primates prefer mates with red faces. A rosy glow might also act as a similar cue in humans, say the British researchers, sending a message of good health. They speculate that it could explain why women use blusher.

The British eat twice as many baked beans per head as Americans do.

Some 80,000 umbrellas are lost annually on the London Underground.

There are over 30,000 John Smiths in Britain.

In 1945, a flock of starlings landed on the minute hand of Big Ben and put the time back by five minutes.

Britain is the only country in the world which doesn’t have the country’s name in its postage stamps.

Nowhere in Britain is more than 74½ miles from the sea.

In 1990, the Football League banned Scarborough from wearing shirts advertising Black Death vodka on the grounds of bad taste.

Leicester City went through an entire FA Cup tie with Northampton Town in 1997 without committing a single foul. Leicester won 4-0. (Was Robbie Savage playing for Leicester in 1997????)

In 'praise' of men

Man is the only animal who'll eat with an enemy.

In men the hypothalamus (small organ near the brain stem) is larger than in most women. When provoked, the hypothalamus heightens rage, thirst, hunger and desire; possibly explaining boys' more rambunctious behavior.

Studies by Dr. Karl F. Robinson of Northwestern University reportedly prove that men change their minds two or three times more often than do women.

When a man buys flowers, if ever, he tends to pick red. A woman, though, is inclined to go for pink, or blue, or whatever off-hue is at hand.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men are very confident people. Guys are so confident that when they watch sports on television, they think that if they concentrate they can help their team.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. (When four or more women get together, they talk about men.)

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Men forget everything; women remember everything..that's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

In 'praise' of women

Women can talk longer with less effort than can men. That has been proved repeatedly. Why? Because the vocal cords of women are shorter than those of men and so release less air through them to carry the sound. It's all a matter of breathing.

The average woman uses up approximately her height in lipstick every five years.

Ladies, do you daub perfume between each of your toes? It's a matter of record that Cleopatra did. When she set out to meet Mark Anthony, history records, she even sprinkled perfume all over the sails of her barge.

It's commonly believed a man picks out a wife who reminds him of his mother while a woman picks out a husband who reminds her of her father. But that's not right. Recent research indicates both the man and the woman are most influenced in their selection of matrimonial mates by their mothers. If a woman regards her mother as stern, she's likely to go for a stern husband. If she thinks of her mother as gentle, she looks for a gentle husband. The father of the bride or groom just doesn't have all that much to do with it, poor fellow.

{It turns out we all have a little something in common with Narcissus—the mythical fellow who fell in love with his own reflection. Scientists at the University of Liverpool recently concluded that our brains favor people with familiar faces. The research team asked over 200 participants to view a number of digitally altered human faces. They found that subjects preferred the features they found the most familiar—whether that means his or her own visage or that of a family member. This may explain that common phenomenon of couples looking like they could be siblings.}

King Ferrand of Portugal was held captive from 1213 to 1226 by the Turks. They demanded ransom, but Portugal's Queen Jeanne refused to pay for her husband's return. She had beaten him in a chess game, and he had therefore hit her on the nose with his fist. It upset her considerably. (Perhaps this is why many women don't play chess, and why we need to deal with pent-up anger before the game begins.)

All the women in the world put together weigh just about 85 per cent as much as all the men.

Women's hemlines go up as the economy gets better. They stay put when nothing happens in commerce. They go down when business drops off. Questions is why. Nobody knows why, evidently, but the record indicates the pattern dates back more than 65 years.

Whether women actually need more sleep than men is not the point. The truth is they take more sleep- ordinarily, an average of 52 minutes more during each 24 hours - according to a recent survey.

Psychological studies show conclusively that, while emergencies tend to upset a woman more, in a real crisis she is likely to remain calmer than the average male.

There's a curious difference in the ways that single girls and bachelors pick their romantic partners. The girl might have a dozen boyfriends, none of whom seems to be like another or anything like the sort of fellow she eventually winds up marrying. But the young bachelor is inclined to select all his ladyfriends, including finally his wife, for their similar qualities.

It's reported that more than 10,000 marriages a year now are directly traceable to romances which begin during coffee breaks.

The matrimonial pollsters contend their studies indicate the man who kisses his wife good-bye when he leaves for work every morning averages a higher income than does the fellow who doesn't do that thing. Husbands who exercise the rituals of affection tend to be more painstaking, more stable, more methodical, thus higher earners, it's believed.

2 out of 5 have married their first love.
Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
1 in 5 men proposed on his knees
6% propose over the phone. (And what percentage said yes?)

The heart is the most common symbol of romantic love. Ancient cultures believed the human soul lived in the heart. Others thought it to be the source of emotion and intelligence. Some believed the heart embodied a man's truth, strength and nobility. The heart may be associated with love because the ancient Greeks believed it was the target of Eros, known as Cupid to the Romans. Anyone shot in the heart by one of Cupid's arrows would fall hopelessly in love. Because the heart is so closely linked to love, it's red color is thought to be the most romantic.

Marital quarrels hit their peak in July. If you've kept notes on your spouse's temper-or yours-they'll confirm it. July is also tops for riots, criminal violence and hasty legislation. Oppressive heat and consequent loss of temper control are the causes.

source

All your dreams are stained
When you're struck by (your) mirror with (your) bed unmade
Today's the day that all the world will see
Another runny afternoon
(I'm) vomiting to the sound of your favourite tune
Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't throw (up) too soon

Need a little time to throw up
Need a little time to throw up throw up
Need a little time to throw up
Need a little time to rest your mind
You know you should so I guess you might as well

What's the story chicken tandoori
Well
(you) need a little time to throw up
Throw up well
What's the story chicken tandoori
Well
Need a little time to throw up
Throw up

All your dreams are stained
When you're stuck to (your) mirror with (your) bed unmade
Today's the day that all the world will see
Another runny afternoon
(I'm) vomiting to the sound of your favourite tune
Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't throw (up) too soon

Need a little time to throw up
Need a little time to throw up throw up
Need a little time to throw up
Need a little time to rest your mind
You know you should so I guess you might as well

What's the story chicken tandoori
Well
(you) need a little time to throw up
Throw up well
What's the story chicken tandoori
Well
Need a little time to throw up
Throw up

Well

Need a little time to throw up

Well

Whats the story chicken tandoori

Well

Need a little time to throw up

Well

What's the story chicken tandoori

Well

I dedicate this to my 'friend' who brought me a Bangladeshi chicken tandoori, 'xtreme spice' last night, for a laugh...such humour, (twelve 'added' red hot chillies), nearly put me into orbit!

I can say, for once in my life, I survived, (just), the spiciest takeaway in the place...but not by choice...for a time during those dim hours, death seemed the better option...a bit like seasickness where, as fate would have it, all those seafaring conquerors are seated right next to you!

(By the way, I do love all Indian foods, and spice...but only the top-of-the-chart very hot spice is off limits!)

Anyone else care to share a like story?

Climb one mountain in time

For the first time,
desire without bloom
Not for the first time
moonset cast in gloom
Hapless hopes negating dreams
Here, now, lies fate
a chapped, weak finale it seems
pitless depression filled with hate
unscaled by time
hued only with hurt
scars so sublime
like sunlight on dirt
trees silenced in bud
frostiness hindered us all
when ice merely required a thud
now unbroken and unparted
we fall bitten like time
long after snow departed
with a mountain to climb

BBE: Games
1998
Bruno Sanchioni, Bruno Quartier et Emmanuel Top

[Behind the pseudonym BBE hides the producers Emmanuel Top and Bruno Sanchioni. They're most known for their breaktrough hit "7 Days And One Week", which was a huge Top 10 hit around the world in 1996.

Some more singles followed ("Flash, "Desire", "Deeper Love") and two albums ("Early Works" & "Games") and then they vanished for a couple of years. But in the end of 2001 the producers "reactivated" the BBE-project. They built a new studio in Lilles, France and they set of to work on some new material.

In February 2002 the single "Orion" was released under the name BBE vs. Emmanuel Top. The next single to follow was "Free" which was released on July 09, 2002 and on November 07, 2002 the single "Hollywood" was released.]

Tracklisting:
1 Tales Of History (3:49)
2 New Romantic (6:17)
3 The Bar, The Audience And The Bird (6:03)
4 Deeper Love (Symphonic Paradise) (0:57)
5 Le Grand Theme (Ouverture No 6) (3:22)
6 Seven Days And One Week * (4:29)
7 Universal Flash (2:03)
8 Flash ** (3:58)
9 First Level (Le Baptême) (1:26)
10 Cosmos (2:47)
11 Desire (3:51)
12 Aquatic Nebular (1:33)
13 Freetime (4:32)
14 Le Nouveau Monde (2:33)
15 Rock In The Sky (3:56)
16 Second Level (La Confirmation) (2:13)
17 Exit (8:20)

Toutes les morceaux écrits par : B.Sanchioni et E.Top
Sauf * : B.Sanchioni et B.Quartier
Sauf ** : B.Sanchioni.

Inspired equally by trance and new age music, the dream-house unit BBE was formed in 1996 by producers Bruno Sanchioni, Bruno Quartier and Emmanuel Top.

The trio of French techno experts came together with a debut single, "Seven Days in One Week," which became a hit at clubs from Ibiza to London and ascended into the Top Five of the British charts. Though Quartier left immediately after the single's success, Sanchioni and Top's follow-up "Flash" also hit the Top Five, alongside similar tunes by Sash! and Robert Miles in a wave of chart-bound dream-house. ZYX Records issued the compilation Early Works in 1997, and BBE released their debut album Games one year later. Top also has a solo career, with productions on NovaMute and Le Petit Prince.
~ John Bush, All Music Guide

Insipid Sunshine
adding insecurity
the measure of time
deceiving certainty

The past three days have all felt like a Saturday to me, so tomorrow will be no surprise...

Those three days have been closer to hell than I would have liked, or expected, as my health took another turn for the worse, with the added blessing of a hospital-contracted winter vomiting bug. Compounded by my losing the vicks vaporub last night!

I've been unable to sleep, or keep down food, but far from leaving me thinner, I've blown...full-blown! My mind must, really must, stay focused on recovery, but this week I'll be the first to admit that depression may have knocked at my door, with no answer it sought a way-in, and perhaps found one. The broken window's of my health now sense the chilly night air as well as the now perpetual vulnerability. This week, somehow, (and after I thought I was doing well), I have found myself down a cul-de-sac...an unmapped one at that.

Upwards and onwards it must be...and if Arsenal and Middlesborough can inspire on the field, then as a human I should try too.
Congratulations to those two teams...one seemed more likely than the other, but in both cases team spirit won through, and deservedly so! I wish it was Liverpool red though~~

This week, Travis have filled my headphones, particularly this song...

Travis: Walking Down the Hill

Walking down this hill tonight
I had a thought all to myself
As I contemplated the moonlight

We've got it all, we've got it made
I don't know how I got here
But I'm holding on for the crash

Pull myself out of the moon
I know I'll never go there but
It's shining down from up on high
We got it made, we got it made
I don't know what we gotta make
Sooner or later lay down

We're apart, go to pieces
Why not go to sleep

Look into my heart, oh baby
Don't become a part of the past
You can be a part of the keep

Don't turn away, don't run away
Don't leave me hanging by a thread
Shine a little love down on me

We're in love, make your peace
Wasting time is all you need

Walking down this hill tonight
I had a thought it was my own
Moon swept by the clouds and save the starlight
Or shall I be or shall I not be
I don't know I just don't
Feel like it tonight

Read this today, and felt it filled in another empty part of myself. A great read indeed...

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady,who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room ... just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged...

it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it ...

"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up.

I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ...
just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in .

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

When you feel all time slip away
consider it the passing of one more day
tomorrow anew may spark some life
where presently lies hurt and strife...

eyeopening stories now claim a stronghold
in a world with truth to withold,
instant answers on demand
yet so little to command

beguiling scenes dominating all
is something I don't wish to recall
with strength greatly diminished
and so much as yet unfinished

what scenes with eyes open wide?
best seen with nothing to hide?
setting aside all my yesterday's
the myriad of pain now ablaze

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
~Swedish Proverb

Individually connected

What is the making of a relationship?
Do we need them? Is it a benefit, a need, a duty, or a right?

It is hard to answer, as much as cultures are broad, so is the very word, 'relationship' as it can be all things to all people, and next to nothing to others.
But it is a fact, that as humans, within nature, a need for a relationship of sorts exists in us all. Such relationships can be found in varying forms, but between people, the heart really does have the ability, though society constantly tries to redefine our own definitions, within the deepest soul, nobody can tell or influence what we truly have, and more importantly, what we really are.

Societies and governments are frequently trying to pry into our very hearts, soon maybe pontificating how we act within our own home, family, and life...even lovelife!
Is this life?
Is it living?
Can governments truly tell us about relationships, people, life and love?
Will we soon become dependant on these superiors for guidance, where all else has buckled under their edict?

No, I think not, people should never be underestimated, especially the power of the heart and soul alive in everyone.
It would be nice, if everyone could feel within their heart, instead of feeling the ringing in their ears, and embrace what we are, individually connected, with an ability to share the very things that bring a warm relationship, in whatever shape it may be.
Relationships that can overcome hurdles, break through barriers, lead the way, meeting halfway and show real hope and genuine warmth.

Whereas time seeks the songs that offer bare bones musical ability, rather than, (but not always), simulated sounds, the same can be placed beside humans.
The bare bones of a person, without the gadgets that form the 'modern relationship', but rather, behind the mask of 'society', real people still exist, and I offer three cheers for all those souls.

Rather than a world living without human relationships, it would interest me to see if the world's wealthier population could ever readapt to a life without a dependant relationship with technology. (We need technology, but shouldn't ever be totally dependant on it.) The signs are that more people are seeking just that.

Anyway, whatever your relationship, with whomever, with or without, view human relationships positively, because ultimately, we are all we have, together.

love to you all,
lauren6

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

No road is long with good company.
~Turkish Proverb

What a Spring!
Yesterday after midday a decided chill could be felt in the east coast air, and around 1pm a snowfall, and with each passing hour, these showers grew heavier and more severe, with one blizzard being of particular note. It is always an odd sight, seeing Spring flowers peering through out-of-time laying snow, like bemused children seeking comfort. Naturally, the snow lay for barely more than a few minutes, but the hail and snow still hit Norfolk time and again.

This morning is little better, with a white covering of severe frost, the car totally rooted to it's surrounding whiteness, and all the plants withered. At this moment, before 7am, Norfolk has a very wintry perspective indeed...however, the sun is on the horizon, as is Spring.

What's the weather doing in your regions?

The familiar railway station
French-style roof freshly rennovated
a dream setting...
one parking space awaiting
my car - your presence
approaching watchful eyes
breaking news shattered the peace
Palace vaults announced
changing orders and new faces
the Nation expectant
with claustrophobic tension
designs of black, red and white
of medaeval undercurrent
giving way to modernist afterglow
offering afterhours greetings,
of door's closing and officiates leaving
one year's work rendered unobtainable
jangling key's sound the passing of time
one for summer, two for the past
departing this maze
temporarily lost in Parliamentary darkness
small, wooden passages
too small or recently closed
diverted me to summer sun
walking westwards, platform 1
this familiar station wasn't wrong

I just saw Travis on Q and particularly enjoyed watching "Turn" again, what a great video that is.
It's been maybe a year since I listened to them, (I have all their albums), but wonder where have they gone?
They were so prolific too...but, like myself, we all have our days in the shade, I suppose.

TRAVIS - Turn
I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong
I want to live
I will survive

And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
So where's the stars?
Up in the sky
And what's the moon?
A big balloon
We'll never know unless we grow
There's so much world outside the door
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I'll be strong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Turn, turn, turn, turn
Turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Learn to turn

This morning, at 1.30am I tuned-in to the BBC World Service, and caught, by chance, this programme...

Heart And Soul
Sita Ramamurthy joins one of the world's best known Buddhist thinkers, Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, as he returns home to Vietnam for the first time since going into exile during the Vietnam war 40 years ago.

It certainly softened my pain of surgery, (and the news that April 25th will be a double-whammy for my own surgical nightmares), and was an outstanding insight into Buddhism, and Vietnam.

Night radio seems way ahead of daytime airplay.

Still under heavy medication, and sleepless nights...hoping for a better tomorrow.

The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day.
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You're one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
a cloud come over the sunlit arch,
And wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back in the middle of March.
- Robert Frost

11am this morning was a low point, (weakness 4, self 1), after having time at home, at last, I found the water pipe leak, (which is now fixed), and decided to go for a drive to witness Norwich City 2, Leicester City 1, with a little help from my friends, whom I hadn't seen for several months. That was cheerful, made all the better, (caught in the 40-minute football crowd traffic jam), with Liverpool again winning. If Chelsea hadn't started the season so well, this April/May would be a three-horse race.

The following two days, will once again involve surgery, and a motionless few hours...
The pain I can now tolerate, but the request to 'relax, don't move' is more than I can take, the endurance of which has been helped today,
by this song, taking some hurt away...

Linkin Park: "Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.

It felt very good to listen to Linkin Park again, after many months, even a year. "Numb" struck a chord with me today...seemed to fill a gap, and energise parts that were empty.

I'm also enjoying;
De La Soul: Me, Myself and I (wow, 1989!)
KT Tunstall
Within Temptation: Memories
Lacuna Coil: Our Truth.

The other day, I thought I must phone my boss to update her on my condition, and low and behold, within an hour, she was on the phone to me, she'd beaten me to it. Telepathy does work, as long as we don't try.

Tonight's meal was food from my garden, (saved from last year's crop). I had leeks, carrots, spring onions and parsley, (parsley care of Asda, c.2006), for a soup. Lunch was Philippine fish, and Thai rice, with Thai chilli and shrimp powder/seasoning...very hot, and very delicious.

What's hot in your kitchen's this weekend dear friends?

Halfway, a perfect place for two to meet
-I wonder if we can?-
as pendulum swings with home advantage
hearts race against untimely tides
the marathon on the horizon
-moonlit waves drawing ever nearer
beside warming thoughts nourishing a cinematic mind
with all-consuming, nutritional love
so night and day unfailingly intertwine
the hope we all hold over time

Pets are the best medicine when it comes to maintaining a relationship.

Rachel Toor, author of the book, "The Pig and I: Why It's So Easy to Love an Animal, and So Hard to Live with a Man" (Penguin), says when couples share a pet, they become closer and see their own faults in their animals.

For instance, Toor says she once shared her pet pig with an ex-boyfriend and began to see her own personality traits reflected in the pig, such as selfishness, lack of tolerance and bullheadedness.

Although she didn't recognize her own pitfalls in time to save the relationship, Toor says she plans on using what she now knows about herself for future relationships.

In addition, Toor says pets help us accept our partners for who they are because, as she puts it, "With pets, we have to accept them because we can't change them. It should work the same way with humans. "

Just learnt that a water pipe burst in my home last night, because 'roadworks' nearby increased the water pressure to bursting point, literally.
Anglia Water here I come~~

Things with me are so/so, actually not good. The weakness is near total, and my head burns with frustration and fatigue.
Not sure where I'm heading today...I must overcome this.

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.

-Talmudic saying

Thanks again everyone for your kindness.
I'll be back soon to reply.