It is meant to placate us but it actually drives us nuts. But which is the most annoying telephone hold music of all? An NOP poll commissioned by stressbusting found a clear winner...

Greensleeves is the runaway winner of a NOP poll commissioned by stressbusting.co.uk to find the most infuriating telephone hold music. Almost a quarter (23%) of us find it enraging - four times as many as are most irked by another hold music standby, The Four Seasons by Vivaldi.

The next most infuriating music after Greensleeves, found the survey of 1,000 people, is, respectively, Nessun Dorma, performed by Pavarotti (14%); Simply The Best, sung by Tina Turner (14%); "Memory, Or Anything By Andrew Lloyd Webber" (13%) and The Entertainer (7%), best-known as the theme tune to the Robert Redford film, The Sting.

'Hold music is one of the most stressful features of modern life', comments Peter Freedman, co-editor of stressbusting.co.uk. 'It is meant to placate you but it drives you nuts. When Greensleeves comes on the line, yet again, I feel like smashing the phone with a pickaxe.'

The average person now spends 45 hours a year holding on the telephone', according to The Tyranny of Numbers (Harper Collins), a recently published book by David Boyle of the New Economics Foundation. 'Most Britons now probably spend more time each year listening to telephone hold music than they do making love', comments Freedman. 'And a frightening proportion of this time is spent listening to Greensleeves, surely one of the most irritating tunes of all time.'

Bottom Of The Pops: The Six Most Hated Tunes, In Order

% Finding It The Most Annoying
Hold Music

Greensleeves 23
Nessun Dorma Sung by Pavarotti 14
Simply The Best, Sung By Tina Turner 14
Memory, Or Anything By A Lloyd-Webber 13
The Entertainer/Theme Tune To The Sting 7
The Four Seasons, by Vivaldi 6

Other Music Named As Particularly Annoying
• The Bee Gees
• "Anything by Geri Halliwell"
• Fur Elise by Beethoven.
• Orinoco Flow by Enya
• "All annoying"/ "All equally annoying"/ "It all annoys me"/"I can't remember but it's bloody annoying".

The Most Annoying Music of All Time?

Greensleeves is one of the famous - and most annoying - English folk songs. It is a lover's lament, written by an unnamed gentleman to his "Lady Greensleeves". Legend has it that it was written by Henry VIII during his courtship with Anne Boleyn in around 1530.

'If so', comments Peter Freedman, 'little did he suspect that it would go on to stress out so many loyal British subjects, who were forced to listen to it over and over and over again, while trying to get through to someone on the telephone. Personally, every time it comes on the line, I want to smash the phone with a pick-axe'.

The most famous - and most annoying - lines of all, belong to the chorus, which goes:

"Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight
Greensleeves was my heart of gold
And who but my Lady Greensleeves".

The simple 18-note melody has been recorded many times. 'Far too many times', feels Freedman. 'We have not researched precisely which is the most annoying recording of it' comments Peter Freedman. 'But we may look into that next.'

What is your most infuriating tele-hold-up?

Why is it that TV commercials sometimes have music that makes you want to buy or download it, but tele-hold-music...never!

Titus Bramble anyone? A determined footballer, but not a reliable driver on or off the field, by any account.
My guess is, judging by his woeful misses, that he took the wrong turning, and should have been heading for Ipswich, not my beloved Norwich!!!

After an evening babysitting their grandchildren Eddie and Linda Sargent were settling into bed when they received a surprise visitor - a Premiership footballer driving a high-powered sports car.

But the self-confessed soccer-phobes were oblivious to the identity of their unscheduled guest until the following day when they contacted their insurers to seek amends for the damage caused when the BMW crashed into a wall outside their family home.

The man behind the wheel was millionaire footballer Titus Bramble, on his way for a night out in Norwich when he lost control of his vehicle on the A140 at Newton Flotman.

Mr Sargent, 55, said: “None of us knew who he was. The police handed us his details for the insurance claim and my wife said 'what a lovely name' and 'wasn't he good looking'.

“It wasn't until we telephoned the insurers the next morning that they asked 'Is that the Titus Bramble?'”

The former England under-21 international, formerly of Ipswich Town and now playing for Newcastle United, was breathalysed, but the test proved negative. After leaving his details with police he left as quickly as he arrived, catching a taxi to carry on his night at a club in Norwich. In his wake he left £3,000 worth of damage to the property and wrote-off his £40,000 M3 model car.

Mrs Sargent, 54, was woken by the noise of the impact just after midnight on Saturday. The couple, who were looking after their grandchildren Archie, three, and Rosie, two, initially feared the worst.

“We just heard an incredible bang,” said Mr Sargent. “I got up to see what was going on and my first thought was that somebody could be hurt.

“The car was full of people and they all got out and went across the road. Titus kept himself to himself and sorted everything out with the police but didn't say a word to us.

“Then they left in a taxi. A police officer told me he thought they were going clubbing.”

The car had careered into a street lamp then went into the two-and-a-half foot high wall at the front of their home, knocking down a section measuring about 24 metres, along with a gatepost.

“The damage is extraordinary. I can't believe a car could cause as much damage as this. I am not angry, it was just a shock and it has caused a lot of inconvenience but it's in the hands of the insurers now,” said Mr Sargent.

Bramble and his passengers, including two players at non-league outfit Felixstowe and Walton United, escaped unhurt. This news came as a relief to his club for whom he headed the winning goal as the team beat Latvian side FK Ventspils in the second qualifying round of the UEFA Cup on Thursday.

A Newcastle United spokesman said: “We understand the accident was of a minor nature and we anticipate that Titus will report for training as normal on Monday.”

A Norfolk Police spokesman said: “We were called to a single vehicle road traffic accident on the A140 a couple of minutes past midnight.

“There were five or six people in the vehicle and no-one was injured, but there was extensive damage to the car and a wall. The driver was given a breath test, which was negative.” [Titus was also given a penalty shoot-out, which also proved negative! -lauren6]

from the EDP

"Misty-mountain-stop"

Where hurt fails to go
emptiness stirs
like a rowing boat
sat on still waters.

-written by lauren6

The eyes and ears, seeing and hearing, are external
plunderers; emotions, desires, and opinions are internal
plunderers. But if the inner mind is awake and alert, sitting
aloof in the middle of it all, then these plunderers change and
become members of the household.

-Taoist quote