Hello dear friends,

I don't know where to begin really, and owe you some details, as best I can, as to what has happened to me these past two weeks.

Firstly, to explain something about my problem, I've added some spinal information below, as I'm not a medical expert...my spine is fractured, (two bad double fractures), with a slipped disc thrown-in for good measure; and to add to this complication, I have another bone that is fractured nearby, and a "complication" that the spinal experts state renders all operations "extremely risky and very, very dangerous". They said my chances were about 50% for recovery, and only 20% for my spine...I took the plunge and went ahead with it.

The complications running through my mind were perhaps different to the surgeons definition, as my fear was that THEY the surgeons were fearful!

As things stand right now, the total operation is still incomplete, due to the severity of complication within my 'cloudy spine' and the spinal-fusion will need another go later...though it is done, in part...if only my injury were clean, all would have been done and dusted now...but, fate dictates no such thing will be purely done. I underwent a part-spinal fusion, and an insertion, directly into the lumbar, and a triple injection into the root nerve of the spine, which included valium, in high doses as my body was fighting and fending-off all 'foreign fluids'...and quite right!

Due to the anaesthetic, operation, injections, and worry, I fell into danger four times. Those times too were cloudy, but I remember seeing visions...nothing exceptional, just memories and telepathy, hopes and survival instincts, to come back.

The surgeons, consultants, and doctor's all said my willpower, resolve, and inner-strength were 'quite amazing' and commented that 'very few people could come through what you have endured'.
They all said that it seemed likely, 80% likely, that "a person would have become vegatative"...so, I must be a lucky one and thankful for something strong within.

My L5 is still troubling me to a great degree, and so is my medication, which causes nausea and weakness. My right leg has tingling and at times, complete numbness still, though that is better than the temporary paralysis I was having, and still have to a lesser degree...as for the spine, after a major operation, it is agony...worse than anything before, but that is to be expected, and the pain is now normal, but a nuisance.
The paralysis in my right leg after the operation was a grave worry, and one that I refused to accept...thankfully I have responses from the L5 now.

I'll endeavour to defeat this damnable pain...it will not win, at least not for now!

But, I have to say, that my life feels cut in two...before and after the 'head-to-head' operations. They were actually bigger and more complicated than anyone had realised.
My L5 nerve was in peril during those moments, out cold, floating in and out of hemispheres...and was 'within a whisker' of being severed.
It too wants to live.

Thanks to all the precious and dear words here, from you all...I'll try to reply to all soon.

Take care everyone, enjoy the weekend.
With much love,
Ed xx

This explains all the associated problems I'm facing, and tackling now. I CAN overcome them...

A prolapsed intervertebral disc most commonly occurs in the lower lumbar region of the spine. A prolapse at the L 4/5 disc space causes pressure on the L5 nerve root with numbness over the dorsum of the foot with weak dorsiflexion of the foot and toes.

A prolapsed disc at the L5 S1 space will cause weakness of plantarflexion of the foot, a diminished or absent ankle jerk and numbness under the sole of the foot.

Spinal cord injury involves damage to the nerves within the spinal canal; most SCIs are caused by trauma to the vertebral column, thereby affecting the spinal cord's ability to send and receive messages from the brain to the body's systems that control sensory, motor and autonomic function below the level of injury.

The spinal cord and the brain together make up the central nervous system (CNS). The spinal cord coordinates the body's movement and sensation.

The spinal cord includes neurons and long nerve fibers called axons. Axons in the spinal cord carry signals downward from the brain (along descending pathways) and upward toward the brain (along ascending pathways). Many axons in these pathways are covered by sheaths of an insulating substance called myelin, which gives them a whitish appearance; therefore, the region in which they lie is called "white matter."

The nerve cells themselves, with their tree-like branches called dendrites that receive signals from other nerve cells, make up "gray matter." This gray matter lies in a butterfly-shaped region in the center of the spinal cord.

Like the brain, the spinal cord is enclosed in three membranes (meninges): the pia mater, the innermost layer; the arachnoid, a delicate middle layer; and the dura mater, which is a tougher outer layer.

The spinal cord is organized into segments along its length. Nerves from each segment connect to specific regions of the body. The segments in the neck, or cervical region, referred to as C1 through C8, control signals to the neck, arms, and hands.

Those in the thoracic or upper back region (T1 through T12) relay signals to the torso and some parts of the arms. Those in the lumbar or mid-back region just below the ribs (L1 through L5) control signals to the hips and legs.

Finally, the sacral segments (S1 through S5) lie just below the lumbar segments in the mid-back and control signals to the groin, toes, and some parts of the legs. The effects of spinal cord injury at different segments along the spine reflect this organization.

Several types of cells carry out spinal cord functions. Large motor neurons have long axons that control skeletal muscles in the neck, torso, and limbs. Sensory neurons called dorsal root ganglion cells, whose axons form the nerves that carry information from the body into the spinal cord, are found immediately outside the spinal cord. Spinal interneurons, which lie completely within the spinal cord, help integrate sensory information and generate coordinated signals that control muscles.

Glia, or supporting cells, far outnumber neurons in the brain and spinal cord and perform many essential functions. One type of glial cell, the oligodendrocyte, creates the myelin sheaths that insulate axons and improve the speed and reliability of nerve signal transmission. Other glia enclose the spinal cord like the rim and spokes of a wheel, providing compartments for the ascending and descending nerve fiber tracts.

Astrocytes, large star-shaped glial cells, regulate the composition of the fluids that surround nerve cells. Some of these cells also form scar tissue after injury. Smaller cells called microglia also become activated in response to injury and help clean up waste products. All of these glial cells produce substances that support neuron survival and influence axon growth. However, these cells may also impede recovery following injury.

After injury, nerve cells, or neurons, of the peripheral nervous system (PNS), which carry signals to the limbs, torso, and other parts of the body, are able to repair themselves. Injured nerves in the CNS, however, are not able to regenerate.

Nerve cells of the brain and spinal cord respond to trauma and damage differently than most other cells of the body, including those in the PNS. The brain and spinal cord are confined within bony cavities that protect them, but this also renders them vulnerable to compression damage caused by swelling or forceful injury. Cells of the CNS have a very high rate of metabolism and rely upon blood glucose for energy – these cells require a full blood supply for healthy functioning. CNS cells are particularly vulnerable to reductions in blood flow (ischemia).

Other unique features of the CNS are the "blood-brain-barrier" and the "blood-spinal-cord barrier." These barriers, formed by cells lining blood vessels in the CNS, protect nerve cells by restricting entry of potentially harmful substances and cells of the immune system. Trauma may compromise these barriers, perhaps contributing to further damage in the brain and spinal cord. The blood-spinal-cord barrier also prevents entry of some potentially therapeutic drugs.

Finally, in the brain and spinal cord, the glia and the extracellular matrix (the material that surrounds cells) differ from those in peripheral nerves. Each of these differences between the PNS and CNS contributes to their different responses to injury.

L5 =Lower legs, ankles, feet, sacral nerves
Symptoms =Poor circulation and weakness in legs, hip paralysis, and leg paralysis

repouso

On a garland of journeys
of traffic flow and diversions
distances enforced subversions
to pull and subtend
these interwoven transmigrations
The ubiety of travel
within a mind of ubiquity
under surgical efficacity
to hope and pray
upon fervent hands irrecusably
Night's sleepy repose; harbinger of day
harbours awaiting sunrise
stars disembark our ocean skies
a flight of kisses upon floating hearts
in your hands I arise.

written by lauren6
15:30, 11/09/2006
hospital waiting room

Vocal, tonal and deeply zonal
when you touch my heart
of stars, sun and moon
you lighting my way
swaying like a palm
in your lifegiving breeze
strength and shade I'm all you made
of a day and a life I gave
we touch by tides and moonlit lays
embracing and awaiting all our future days.

written by lauren6
21:05 11/09/2006
in hospital recovery room after coming too close to losing all during the operation.

Cloudless Saturday skies
and 502 progressive miles
a weeks metier implies
this weak body reconciles
constant mindplay of you nonpareil
the eleventh hour awakens me
for your eyes my beseeming apparel
dream of day's besoin for sea
oceans and lakes, north and south
latin connection, Iberian reflection
embracing word of mouth
we are one of mutual attraction.

written by lauren6
09:00, 10/09/2006

Made it here
a point in time
15 hours from nowhere
my latin heart called you
from deepest continent
limbs without feeling
my mind rests with you
all thoughts langour
to be beside your ocean beauty
browneyes fixed within me
healing my numbness
you are a jacinth sunrise.

written by lauren6
after operation
09/09/2006
(21:30)

A word from you
beneath this sky so blue
like propriety from heaven
reawakened summer is proven
in precatory holding of hands
your esteem held highly over the lands
our gemütlichkeit by ocean palms
with warm milesimal embrace arm in arm
sfumato of river to sea
benign encounter by our tree
a melisima chanting in a dream
of meliphagous kisses we glean.

written by lauren6,
between surgery
10/09/2006

Is there anywhere that hurt dare not go
even storming the mind's defensive door
allaying weeks of precious reserves
like edacious pain eating away my floor
A word, a smile, a beloved person
may yet spark the turnaround
on éclat covering a 4-season liason
where plaudits sound hope for health to be crowned
Can plenitude overflow with loneliness
as nerves fail to detect so much
and pleasure loses touch to numbness
a pain insensitive to pain as such.

written by lauren6
20h50, 11/09/2006