※SpinalGap24 ※

I had the operation, and what an epic one too. There is much to tell, later, but my L5 nerve is causing great concern right NOW therefore I'm being transferred, and will have a few days of more intensity and challenges.

I use everything to write for 5 minutes here, posting what I have written these past 2 days...to share with you. Forgive me for my feelings, but I care about you as much as myself.

Thanks everyone for your kindness...I'm by you all too, as you are with me.
I am in a time, that is like 'non-time' as nothing looks or feels as normal...I have fear, but also enormous resolve right now...my tears energize in time.

I don't know when I can have the ability to return to post, as I'm undergoing some pretty significant treatments, injections, valium, and stronger stuffs...etc...after a major operation too...my body needs some time...

I have all of you on my mind, by me...especially one person.

Miss you, with love, from this limbo,
Ed

SOS: Silence of suffering

I need to feel
all that is free and real
of belonging
the closeness and longing
stay close, please never far
my anguished heart exposed and ajar
expedient expectant night
sitting here, fastened tight
yet so much exeunt
my feelings gathered, redundant.

written by lauren6
23:45, 07/09/2006.

This music fills my mind recently...

ROYKSOPP: What Else is there?

It was me on that road
But you couldn't see me
Too many lights on, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn't see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for

I've got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

There's no room that I can go and
You've got secrets too

i don't know what more to ask for
i was given just one wish.

Lonesome steps

The day pushed the evening beyond my reach
just a day, yet a whole life away
what does a surgery-buckling heart teach?
while gasping the animus my way
on boreal inhalation a cursonary horologe
this slow-ticking flickering flight
ever-distant flibberigibbert souls
where are you? where is everyone tonight?
evening fades into desperate night
this microclimate becomes claustrophobic
making an impossible dream of a daily flight
medical festschrift my sidereal illumination
gazing at loneliness' cold hand
a chilled leftside banked by contemplation
now I foresee a minimalist land stretching
with each step as precious as the last.

written by lauren6
using every ounce of effort in my body

The loneliness of pain

It was all in a word
or lack of
so much left undone and unsaid
but in one cruel, crushing blow
all became empty
'cept the flow of tears
that fell finally
releasing my all
a roving fate
I am drained of all destiny

written by lauren6
17h30 07/09/2006

We, the humans today

A race of such great range
endurance, fight, endeavour...survival
yet negatives haunt and rearrange
the premise of susurrus carnival
and suspiring joie de vivre
is it everlasting or never-ending?
do tears fall forever too?
absolutely...not uncomprehendingly
like candlelit kisses melting an igloo.

written by lauren6
after operation

Ceil

And now it's over, in part
like nebula fading to sunrise
illuminating nebbich-
of surgeries past
autumn sun herewith procurable
upon a lost summer unendurable
enter sedulous September;
diving; seduced by ocean depth
lifted; embraced by loving crepuscular
cleansed; by compassionate shores
The eye of the candle
a beholder in the storm
or onlooker from passing causeway
light and water, fire life's thirst.

written by lauren6
14h00 07/09/2006

After the storm

Pushed, prodded and carted around
am I important without a sound?
with assidious tasks in waiting
valedictory intravenous salvo sedating
cushioned movements in blackness
a forward struggle against languidness
all is lost at sea
except one distant light I see.

written by lauren6
6/9/06
hours after spinal surgery

Before

It's here
-vexed to appear
a viaduct built on human resource
disengaging a drop to asource
where Chestnut's call early autumn tune
the Elder's can sustain by light of the lune
appearances deceive
what we know and cherish to receive...

written by lauren6
just prior to being called-in to the spinal surgery, which lasted a few hours, therefore this remains unfinished, with nothing that can justifiably be added afterwards by myself!

(Music that played, softly in the background just minutes before D-day, were The Whspers: And the Beat goes on, and Avril Lavigne: I'm With You.)